Breathe

Breathe..
Fill my mouth..
with your breathe..
Breathe..
I hear you yell at me..
from far away..
You breathe...
for me..
again..
I feel something..
Drawing me back..
No..
I want to shout..
I'm comfortable..
So comfortable..
Breathe..
I feel my chest rise..
you silently cry..
by my side..
Why..
I want.. 
to go back..

Losing Ground

My mind is growing tired..       
 my heart growing cold..
  my hair is falling out..
   though I'm not old..

Every strand that falls..
 seems to take a piece of me..
  there's no use yelling..
   I can't seem to breathe..

I try to keep my chin up..
 hold on to myself..
  the harder I try..
   the worse I turn out..

I want to hold on to me..
 my dreams..
  Life's an illusion..
   or so it would seem..

The dreams I want to reach..
 are never in the plan..
  Oh! what is my future..
   I can't understand..

Never Feel

Never feel..
the first small kicks..
like butterflies in my belly.

Never feel..
the elation and excitement..
the first time I hear your racing heart beat.

Never feel..
the pat of a strangers hand...
on my swollen belly.

Never feel..
an elbow sharp..
sticking in ribs.

Never feel..
rhythmic hiccups 
or turning head..
in my groin.

Never feel..
the pressure of your head..
descending.

Never feel..
the urge to push you out..
while others shout hold back!

Never feel..
your soft lips and strong tongue..
pulling at my breast.

Never feel..
you in my arms..
breathing against my chest.

Pain

Fragile frame..
overwhelmed..
with pain.

Heavy weights..
drag you down.

No one else sees..
or feels..
the crushing.

Invisible dogs...
gnawing at my bones.

They want you..
to..
"put it aside".

You try..
to ride..
the waves..
with a smile..

Impossible!

It always..
seems to win.

It always..
makes me..
cry out.

In some way..
shape..
or form..
it conquers.

To Be With You

I want to go to you amongst the trees and flowers.

I want to lie down near you on the cool lawn.

I want to  feel your cheek, soft against my own.

I want to be wrapped in your loving arms.

But I can not bear to go to you .. 
when you will not come also to me.

A reality as cold as the stone 
that stands between us.

A monument to the eternity
That separates our souls.

Heaviness Within

I am stuck and can not move on.

I am here but you are gone.

The emptiness that remains..
can never fill the longing of my soul..
But leaves a heaviness..
upon  my chest.

The mourning does not lessen 
through the years..
but deepens with maturity.

I do not move on..
but merely try..
to keep up with life..
without you.


What remains is a hole ..
A lost piece of me.

Searching..
I only find heaviness within.

Why

Like a star that implodes,
You left a darkness spinning in my soul,
Crushing everything fine
Even the light that you left behind. 

@ Why do I feel like you’ve left me,
     As if I have been wrong? 
     Why do I feel like you’ve left me,
     When you’ve only moved on?
     
Now, I’m pulling everything in,
Searching, seeking.
Where do I begin
and you end?
Do you ever end?

@ Why do I feel like you’ve left me,
     As if I must have been wrong? 
     Why do I feel like you’ve left me,
     When you’ve only moved on?
 
How long will I turn,
Revolving in this darkness.
Will I ever learn?
What is to be my fate,
Since you sent me 
Spinning into space?
Into space..
So alone in this place,
This cold, cold place.
Don’t leave me to this fate.
So alone in your space.

I am dead

I wish I had understood this before 

my prayers were all answered long ago

I am not a part of the here and now anymore than literary ghosts

why this abode feels as a vapor is because it is

why this self can not belong is because it is not

this alternate reality is just a dream
I will awake from 

this curse of flesh just a trail I will be redeemed from

though my heart feels every emotion through and through

in this life I am dead