Saints Bowing in the Mountains

Do you know how beautiful you are?

I think not, my dear.

For as you talk of God,
I see great parades with wildly colorful bands
Streaming from your mind and heart,
Carrying wonderful and secret messages
To every corner of this world.

I see saints bowing in the mountains
Hundreds of miles away
To the wonder of sounds
That break into light
From your most common words.

Speak to me of your mother,
Your cousins and your friends.

Tell me of squirrels and birds you know.
Awaken your legion of nightingales—
Let them soar wild and free in the sky.

And begin to sing to God.
Let’s all begin to sing to God!

Do you know how beautiful you are?

I think not, my dear,

Yet Hafiz
Could set you upon a Stage
And worship you forever!

-Hafiz (1320-1389)

~~~~~

Hey Love,

So to distract myself from missing you so much and from my endless soul searching about the direction of my life, I had to get out of the house and do something before I went crazy. I was on my way to grab some coffee and catch up on some work on my laptop at Café Ambrosia in Downtown Evanston. When I passed the café, it looked too crowded and I figured I wouldn’t be able to find a good spot to cool out and log in. Seeing as to how the closest parking space was about 4 blocks away, I decided instead to go to Borders Books and Music, to hang until the Northwestern University café crowd would start to filter out. I drove around Borders and I couldn’t find a good parking space there either. I started to feel a little frustrated in the fact that the things I wanted to do that night weren’t happening, as if there was something preventing me from getting to where I wanted to go, which, ironically, represents where my life is right now, hence the soul searching.

As I drove down the block thinking, “I should just go home,” I saw a space open right across the street from Barnes and Noble. Because Borders was usually my first and preferred choice, I hadn’t been to Barnes and Noble in a while, but I couldn’t be choosy cause it seemed that the choices were being made for me. So I parked it and headed inside.

In any given bookstore, I usually I hit a few specific sections to browse in, and I happened to find myself in the poetry section first. Even then, I have my usual list of poets to find, seeing if there’s anything new I didn’t know about or haven’t read yet: Bukowski, Neruda, Rumi, and a few others. I wasn’t shopping too hard because I wanted to get to the Eastern Thought section quick, before I forgot the book that I happened to remember wanting, so I just scanned the poetry shelves. It just so happened that a thin blue book on the top shelf caught my eye, simply because blue is my favorite color. I looked closer and saw that it was a new collection by Hafiz, a Sufi poet that I like to read but haven’t seen anything new of in a while. As I picked up the book and read the title, I said to myself with a smile, “No way!” The title? - “I Heard God Laughing”

I’ve told you that I think God likes to laugh at me, and I remember you saying that’s what you sometimes think too, so I picked it up and flipped to a random page. Next thing I know, I’m sitting in a comfy lounge chair by the in-store Starbucks for the next 45 minutes, reading the book cover to cover, then reading it again because I couldn’t get enough of it. He writes with a crazy kind of passion for life, as if he wants to hide his genius and depth under a drunk and insane façade, writing completely free about finding happiness in the most simple of thoughts and experiences. I felt his words speaking to me out loud and echoing in my head, making me smile and remember how I want to look at life. Then I though of you.

I didn’t know what you’d think about Hafiz’s poetry or his outlook, but I thought maybe if you read some of his poems, even if you didn’t enjoy them, you would at least understand his influence on me and the way I want to feel and see the world, with a crazy, passionate, and simple happiness.

I went back to the poetry shelves to look for another copy for you, but when I looked at the top shelf I found it on, I realized this copy was out of place, among poets R and S, instead of the lower shelves by H. After a minute of letting it sink in, I began to laugh out loud, thinking that God is laughing at me right now.

God crowded Café Ambrosia and filled all the parking spaces around my original destinations, then opened one up where I was supposed to be, and God knew that I was only going to browse quickly through the poetry section first, so knowing my favorite color would catch my eye, God had the book misplaced (or placed) on the top shelf for me to find easily. But I made my choices too; to leave the house, to not go home, to go to that bookstore, and to pick the book up off the shelf. Nevertheless, I looked up, laughed out loud, and said, “I get it. Thanks.”

With all the soul searching I’ve been doing, after reading it from cover to cover, the book and the poems were what I needed right now. They brought me back to a feeling I’ve been missing, a feeling I’ve been looking for, not just by the words on the page, but also by this story that got me to this moment. Though my soul searching is never-ending, it’s finding a moment and a treasure along the way that makes my journey worthwhile.

I know all this about God in my heart and to my soul, and the last thing I know about this moment is that God wanted me to share it with you. This book, these words, our laughter, this story, and this moment were meant to be shared with you. So here’s your copy, the one that I first picked up. I’ll pick up another copy for me some other time, with some other story. And just like this story, God willing, it will bring me back to you and another moment of crazy, passionate, and simple happiness.

I miss you. I love you.

Copyright © 2007 Dempsey Lagrimas Jr.