Sometimes, when I hear my own voice, it sounds just like my sisters. Just now, when I hung up the phone, I heard her say “Goodbye” and as the air rushed out of her throat, I could hear myself exhaling. She is truly inside of me. Sometimes, she comes out and sometimes she hides for days, but not today. Today she comes to remind me that she is still with me. That she loves me and hugs me from the inside out.

I can hear them all inside of me. God forbid, I look into the mirror because there she is. It’s my mother this time and she looks tired. She looks like she just came in from the cold of a long hard day and has rest on her mind. She winks and says “before long, you’ll look just like your grandmother”. But I don’t quite see her yet. I do hear my paternal grandmother every now and then when like when I hear things like “how much is that doggie in the window”? I can never hear that song and not hear my Nanny singing it.

I see my father’s eyes sometimes in photo’s and I know I have his chin. I hear his whit and humor and cutting edges coming from my heart but I know its just a pre-recorded sound bite that plays over and over in my cells.

I guess the message in the sighs and tears and smiles and laughs is that we are all one. We’re all inside one another. Mom, Dad, Nanny, Poppy, Mema, and my sister, they’re all inside of me and we’re all inside of you.

Copyright © 2007 Maria L. Pomponio