At one time or another, we’ve all watched a parade. The unique picture of superbly trained British soldiers, marching like a synchronised, well oiled machine is a sight to observe and remember. I never realised, until I came to take part in such an exercise, what an incredible amount of time was taken in practising to achieve one glorious hour of perfection.

          Now, all you canny lads who did their little bit of squaddying on the square, just be patient for a minute, while I take time to talk to the uninitiated.In fact lads, you can miss this bit if you like, I don’t want you to get bored, and I’ll see you again in the next paragraph but one.

          Stand Easy !

          Right girls, and other non-military people, pay attention. Before all the macho-men actually form a parade, they have to make up a single line so that they can be arranged in size. The tallest on the right, the shortest on the left.The next stage is called “The Right Dress.” Nothing to do with clothing or how we hang our trousers. Standing to attention, the head turns sharply to the right,and the right arm raises to right angles to make a space between each soldier.On the order “Eyes Front,” all heads turn forwards, leaving a line of men at arms length from each other. Then they line off in threes, nice and tidy.

          Right lads. Attention !

          In the early fifties, I joined the infantry, by way of the 1st Battalion,East Lancashire Regiment. Eighteen months later, I was a corporal, joining in the rehearsal for the Queen’s Birthday Parade in Hamburg Stadium, under the critical eye of several thousand Germans.

          One thousand soldiers stood in a straight line, looking straight down the throat of the most ferocious Regimental Sergeant Major in the British Army. I was about two hundredth in line, when we received the order “ Right Dress ”.For reasons which I couldn’t fathom, and still don’t understand, on this occasion we had to turn our heads to the left. Then we all began shuffling to the left to achieve the necessary spacing.

          My mind wandered, never a good idea on parade, and my right arm, firmly thrust out at right angles to my body, lost contact with the left shoulder of my compatriot. To his eternal shame, he never said a word.After an eternity, my reverie was disturbed by the stentorian bellow.

          “EYES FRONT”

          Heads whipped smartly forward, and arms dropped to the side, to resume the attitude of strict attention. I became uncomfortably aware that something was not quite right. Sure enough, across the parade, right down my ear, came the stridently sarcastic, and viciously venomous comment. “Are you forming your own regiment then corporal? Look to your right man!”

          I shuddered under his scorn, and ventured a timid glance to the side. Thirty yards to my right stood a line of some two hundred men. I had pushed and prodded the other eight hundred into a state of splendid isolation from the rest of the parade.

          A total shambles for which I paid dearly in the corporals Mess for some considerable time afterwards.

          Still,we won didn’t we ?

Copyright © 2008 Thomas Vaughan